Today I had an interesting
realization. During the last few months of break from a full time job, I am
practicing long running distance running. I initially started with running on
the treadmill, where I used to run for about 15-20 minutes and a distance of
about 3 Kms. I used to do other exercises in the gym too to reduce fat and
increase strength. Within a few days I was able to run for longer durations and
also at higher speeds. I remember one time I felt very proud of myself when I
had run for about 40 minutes and someone curiously asked me if I was a regular.
My first break came about when
once I decided to go to Sabarmati Riverfront for a jog. I had set myself a
target of initially running about 5 Kms which I later stretched to 7 Kms. While
running, since I was maintaining a comfortable pace, I pushed myself and
managed to run 10 Kms in about 72 minutes!! Now this was out of the ordinary. I
was dead tired, I was very very happy and I had loads of fun. I kept looking at
my Runkeeper (The Android App which I use to track my runs and timings) for
many days, just cherishing the sense of achievement. Now I knew that my
practice has started paying off and my stamina has increased and I could see
myself “running” the half marathon.
From there, it was no looking
back. I started running with enthusiasm. I used to go to sleep looking forward
to get up at 5AM and going for my runs. I started tracking my speed, timings,
calories burnt and what not. I started planning the different routes I could
now run and was already seeing myself increase speeds, run longer distances and
within no time I would run the full distance in practice. Later, Anand Bhaiyya
also joined me and he was at similar levels of running capability. So when I got
him to also complete a 10K, it gave me an increased boost of confidence. We
started gradually increasing distance and speed and my peak of performance came
when I ran 18 Kms in 122 minutes on the Diwali day. This was an enormous
effort. I used to dream of running from Vikhroli to Thane and today I did a
round trip - Thane to Vikhroli and back!!
The Diwali day went fine. Since I
was travelling from Thane to Nagpur that evening, I laboriously managed to pull
myself through the journey. I did not run for the next few days as we were busy
attending a few social obligations and experienced the after effects of the
run. My knees ached while climbing stairs. My joints were stiff and there was a
general feeling of tiredness. I could actually experience old age! One day I made
up my mind to push myself to go out and run. Convinced that a bit of exercise
will free up my muscles and joints, I went out for a jog at Nagpur. The
constant pain made me hate the run. I pushed myself for about 3 Kms and then
reconciled myself thinking that maybe I should walk, do light exercise and then
resume running once I am fully fit.
It has been an uphill effort ever
since. Back in Ahmedabad, I resumed training with Anand Bhaiyya. We took off
from 18Kms and 2 Hrs and started setting further targets. 10K in 60 Mins, 15K
in 90 Mins, 20K in 2 Hrs, 10K in 55 Mins. We drew up a plan of completing the
Half Marathon in sub 2 Hr timing. Anand Bhaiyya managed to significantly
improve his timings but mine was a different story. Every run was a pain. I
started feeling that every target in insurmountable. I clocked better speeds
but did not meet the targets. I started missing my running dates. I had to push
myself to go out to run. And on the other side I could see Anand Bhaiyya
breezing through his runs. I started reading on the art, science, theory and
techniques behind running. Somebody says that if you want to improve your
timings, you need to push up your lactic threshold. This can be done using
interval training. I decided to start interval training and improve my speed. Later,
I even started coming up with my own philosophy in running. I said that a
marathon is run in three parts. The first part you run with your enthusiasm,
the second you run with your stamina and the last one you run purely on your
determination. I started feeling that I have to condition my mind to not give
up and that is the aspect I need to fix. But I could never manage to push
myself to run. Not that I was not running at all. I managed 12K in 74 mins, 15K
in 95 mins, 5K at a 5:30 per km pace. Basically I was not having fun in this
anymore.
Today morning started on a
similar note. We decided to run together at Sabarmati riverfront. We set a
target of 10 Kms in 55 mins or 12 Kms in 70 mins. It started in a painful manner.
I was running at 5:45 per km pace but was facing the wall and knew this has to
end. I will not be able to push myself for 12K. I felt like giving up at the 5K
mark but kept running. I started falling behind Anand Bhaiyya and at around the
6K mark decided to drop my speed to a comfortable level and continue. The next
few Ks were laborious. Around the 9K mark, it became nice and sunny. There was
a mild breeze. Birds started chirping. I would try and keep pace with the eagles
flying parallel to me. I also smiled at a few people who passed by. I could
feel my knee getting stiff and still push it farther to experience the pain
once again. I started extending my arms further and run with a rhythm. At the
11K mark Anand Bhaiyya was on his way back and joined me for an extra jog. That
was the best phase. We were running absolutely in sync. I could feel his steps
and breath resonate with mine. I was actually enjoying the pain and started
pushing for more. It was absolutely magical.
On my way back, the thought that
has been doing rounds in my mind is – How can I run the Half Marathon and then
aim for Full Marathon if I don’t enjoy running? Further, what is the point in
punishing me and completing the marathon if I did not have fun achieving this?
If I fundamentally don’t like an activity, I may practice and get better at it
but eventually I will stop doing it. Further any happiness that will arise out
of the sense of achievement will be non-recurring because I don’t think I will
continue to push myself for long just to get this ego-boost. So ultimately any
running that I do just with an aim in mind to achieve a target will remain a
fad, which comes and goes. More so once I have met my target.
The last 2 Kms in today’s run
have been the most enjoyable running experiences I have had. The primary reason
I had this fun was because I let myself soak in the joy. I could feel the whole
environment and could transcend above the pain I was experiencing. I wanted to experience
more pain but my objective of wanting this experience was not to increase my
speed but just to feel the pain. Today I have realized that I can actually
enjoy running. I now feel that I should only run to experience this and not
look at the statistics to evaluate my progress. Infact I should not evaluate my
progress at all, just go on enjoying this. I will be able to run further,
faster and consistently as long as I enjoy running. Ultimately, even if I don’t
complete my half marathon in the sub 2 hr target, atleast I would have enjoyed
my run.
The philosopher in me has found
this realization to be profound. I have already built analogies in every aspect
of life – profession, education, relationships and almost every part of our
life which impacts the joy of living. I have started observing the mistakes
that we do while pursuing every endeavor and how we destroy the joy of living
by setting expectations and chasing objectives. How we prevent us to enjoy any
activity by plotting it on a roadmap for “progress”. Happiness in life is
probably just to live it and allow us to experience the bliss.
